Friday, 20 November 2015

Life Update #2 Struggles

So as you may have noticed. I haven’t updated any of my social media this past week. No November Instagram Challenge, no tweets, nothing. And I think I can explain now what happened.

In my latest life update I was talking about how happy I was with my internship. Sadly things are never going the way you want it to. That’s the shitty thing about life. And things went bad for me. Thursday last week I received the bad news that it was better for me to stop my internship AND study. My internship coordinator of the newspaper said I wouldn’t make it in the world of journalism and told me I could better stop. (Later she told me the newspaper world isn’t my place because I’m too soft and happy for the hard newspaper world... So I’m going to search for other opportunities.) I don’t like to share it on here because who wants to hear this news and share this embarssing moment with others?! I was so happy and thought things were going okay. They never gave me signals that I had to work harder or something like that. And when the bad news came on Thursday last week I cried. But after having a conversation with the coordinator from the newspaper and my teacher I decided that I’ll stop. At least, working for the newspaper. I’m going to work online now for two weeks. If that goes okay I’ll stay and if not I’ll end this internship and go find a new one for the last two months.

So now the big word is finally out. It all the time in my head and I kept thinking about it and I had to focus on making the right decision to stop or to go on with this internship. And that’s a decision I had to think about for a whole week. And I couldn’t focus on my social media/blog.

I just needed a break. The giveaway was already planned and ready to post so I just posted it because I had to. But I didn't feel like being on other social media then... It’s been hard for me to make the right decision on my internship. I just didn’t see it coming and was for at least that day out of the running. I still hope that I made the right decision and hope everything will go better after this.
So this is to everyone out there who has huge struggles at the moment. We all have them. Share them with people, because it’s so good to hear others advice and to notice you are not alone with the tears and pain.
I wasn’t very happy with the news that I could better stop my internship and study. I am ashamed of it. I’ve been studying journalism for 2 years, and I still fail at the job I want to do later?! (In her opinion…) How embarrassing is that!
But when I told people around me about this, they told me that it’s hard to deal with but that it never is a failure and that I’m not a failure either. This is a learning process. That I received this news is only better for me. Although at the moment I do not see it that way. I just hope that, after this is behind me, I’ll see the lesson behind it. And I hope that you can think like that too. That maybe right now you’re embarrassed by what you did or what happened to you. But that you’ll see later that it made your stronger. No matter how much you cried about it or felt horrible and no matter how much pain it was.

I believe that in the end it’s going to be okay. Maybe right now your future looks not very exciting, but you have to keep going. Share your problems with friends and family or trust person at your school. (Also calling some anonym help line can sometimes relieve so much weight from your shoulders. Every country has them, just google for your country’s phone number.)
In the end we’re going to be fine. We have to break to get stronger. Even though right now you don’t see the main point of these bad things happening in your life.
Don’t give up, stand up and fight!!

All the love!
This is something we all have to remind ourselves off! (photo found on WeHeartIt)

Xx Rianne
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